


Curve

by Defnotmeyo



Category: The X-Files
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 03:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12379770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Defnotmeyo/pseuds/Defnotmeyo
Summary: I want to say this originated with a story about curve balls, but I don't know anymore.





	Curve

If it’s been written, Fox Mulder has read it. If it’s on Ask.com, he’s searched. If it’s on Google… trust him. He’s Googled it. The internet is not good for Fox Mulder. 

But thankfully, by 2014, he’s googled how to talk to his soon-to-be-teenage son about sex.

Thankfully, because he slams open the kid’s door and his son is sitting in front of the computer wacking his nuts off to Very Adult Pornography.

“What the hell, Dad-”

“Holy shit William-”

Oh Jesus. X-files be damned. This is the most uncomfortable moment of Mulder’s life. He backs out of the room quicker than James Deen backing out of a dry vagina.

He clears his throat and knocks. Which is a little second-handed, if you ask anyone in the vicinity, but here they are.

“Come in.”

“So uhhhh-” He’s so unequipped. Fuck. Mulder never thought he’d even be a father and yet here he is. Staring his son in the face. After catching him beating off to the beast with two backs.

“I’m uh… I’m sorry about that, William. I need to knock.”

“Yeah.”

“And I’m pretty sure you’ve figured out that Mom and I-”

"Dad…”

“Well… it’s like this son-”

“Dad!”

“What I’m saying is-”

“For the love of all that is holy please get me out of this conversation…”

“Look Will. Birds do it, bees do it, even educated MD’s do it.” Mulder says this and then wants to bash his head into the door frame. What. The. Fuck.

“So you and Mom…”

“Yes, on the regular.”

“Dad!”

Christ. Is there a guillotine? 

Mulder sighs. Plops down on the foot of his lanky son’s bed. "So uh… We’ve got the sex talk out of the way, right, William?“

"It’s Will.”

“Right.” A sigh. "C'mon kid. You wanna learn how to throw a curve, right?“ Mulder hip-shifts his son, and the kid relents.

"Dad, we can’t even pitch off the back yard. You legit burned the back porch down.”

“Buddy those were hornets that nested under there. If there is a god damn thing I’ve ever learned, it’s black and yellow with stingers need to be eliminated.”

“So… that wasn’t like… a campfire. You seriously burned the back porch down?”

“Fucking kill anything with a stinger, son. I’m telling you.”

Will looks at his father. Again. Three times, probably. But he’s used to the crazy. He just mutters, “Swear jar.” 

Mulder puts a dollar in the jar above Will’s computer, goes outside, and teaches his son how to throw a curve-ball.


End file.
